Change

Change...

I realized something a week or 2 ago while in my session with my spiritual counselor.  In my way of looking at things, change equals the end; a severing, never to be again.  This is why I am so afraid of change.  But that is not what change is.  Change is an evolving, a flowing of things to where they need to be and are supposed to be. 
Being with Zeus makes me happy; but I don't let myself be.  I'm always so afraid that this will be the last time we will ever be together, tomorrow I could never see him again, he'll leave and this time he won't come back.  In my quest of "healing Hera" (which really should be the name of this blog, and will probably be the title of my book I will write someday) I knew something had to change in our relationship, but I thought changing would mean I would have to sever all ties with him, never see him again, don't answer his phone calls.  No wonder I have been so scared and reluctant to do it!
With my new epiphany, I see that if I just go with the flow, and let our relationship evolve, then it will end up where it needs to be, we can still be "together", and I can just relax and enjoy the ride to somewhere in the middle. : ) 
Things seem to be more relaxed with us now.  I am more relaxed with us now.  I'm trying to bring the focus back to me; my blood sugars have gone up again, so I know that my body is telling me to focus on myself and everyone else will be ok.  I've started FLY Lady's system of housekeeping.  (Well, today is basically day 1, but at least I've started! lol)  I'm going to be writing more, to get into the habit of it.  I have seen a glimpse of my future, and I am going to be writing a book about my journey.  If I don't journal or blog, how am I going to remember all this stuff? 
Well, that's it for now.  Totally not what I planned on blogging about, but, it's what's in me at the moment.  Blessed Harvest Moon everyone!

What I've been up to...

I really need to get back to blogging; I have so much to say! LOL things are up and down with Zeus, as usual. He's actually been living with me for the last month. He just couldn't stand staying where he was staying, so he just spent the night one night and hasn't left lol. He got the apartment right across the driveway from me. Everyone thinks that this is going to be bad, bad, bad for me; if I see him bringing other women home, I might not be able to handle it. And, yes, he's said he has women "north, south, east and west and one in Bowerbank" (a neighboring town) One of them actually called him here the other night. I flipped out... we had had a wonderful weekend the week before. It was one of those times that you can just feel in your soul that is a changing moment in your relationship. So to think that he really had other women in the wings really hurt. He went thru the whole "we aren't a couple...I love you but not like that...I just want to have fun and screw as many different women as I can...it's just sex... they don't expect anything from me... I don't want a girlfriend..." speech. I said something about that weekend being a disaster, and he got upset and said that he didn't feel that way at all. Eventually, I calmed down. A voice in my head said that I have his heart and his soul. These other women may have his body for an hour or so, but I have his heart. He told me over and over again that if he didn't want to be here with me, he wouldn't be. So... I don't know. This whole "going with the flow" thing is harder than it sounds.