I realized something a week or 2 ago while in my session with my spiritual counselor. In my way of looking at things, change equals the end; a severing, never to be again. This is why I am so afraid of change. But that is not what change is. Change is an evolving, a flowing of things to where they need to be and are supposed to be.
Being with Zeus makes me happy; but I don't let myself be. I'm always so afraid that this will be the last time we will ever be together, tomorrow I could never see him again, he'll leave and this time he won't come back. In my quest of "healing Hera" (which really should be the name of this blog, and will probably be the title of my book I will write someday) I knew something had to change in our relationship, but I thought changing would mean I would have to sever all ties with him, never see him again, don't answer his phone calls. No wonder I have been so scared and reluctant to do it!
With my new epiphany, I see that if I just go with the flow, and let our relationship evolve, then it will end up where it needs to be, we can still be "together", and I can just relax and enjoy the ride to somewhere in the middle. : )
Things seem to be more relaxed with us now. I am more relaxed with us now. I'm trying to bring the focus back to me; my blood sugars have gone up again, so I know that my body is telling me to focus on myself and everyone else will be ok. I've started FLY Lady's system of housekeeping. (Well, today is basically day 1, but at least I've started! lol) I'm going to be writing more, to get into the habit of it. I have seen a glimpse of my future, and I am going to be writing a book about my journey. If I don't journal or blog, how am I going to remember all this stuff?
Well, that's it for now. Totally not what I planned on blogging about, but, it's what's in me at the moment. Blessed Harvest Moon everyone!